Baby's heartbeat at 15 weeks

Appt to the doc Wed went just fine. I was worried for nothing. Baby is doing good. Got to hear the heartbeat. At the doctor, I waited a long time before the doctor come in and then it was really short and quick. I did get a little extra time b/c she had to remove a cervical polyp. It hurt a little, then and afterwards but it feels better now. ALso, when they tested my glucose with a one of those little sticks, it was very high. I think it was just b/c I had just finished a bagel with cream chessee with lots of jam. Either way, they want to test again, before they do a more in depth testing to make sure I don't have gestational diabetes. I go in, in two weeks. Here is the baby's heartbeat. It was so nice to hear the baby, I got teary and almost lost it, which has been happening a lot lately.

I SAW THE LINE - 15 weeks prego

I saw the 'linea negra' YEAY. Iam 15 weeks pregnant now. The nausea is a lot better during the day, but it is still hitting hard in the evenings, which makes it hard to eat. My appetite is very poor, which worries me a bit, but nothing I can do about that. Iam going to see the doc in a couple hrs, Iam really looking forward hearing the heartbeat and finding out if everything is normal. I can't deny that the last few days I've been getting worried some. It is still not second nature to really trust that God can take care of the baby and that my life is on his hands, that my story and that of my children have already been written.
On another note, I have been feeling the full weight of my sin lately. Joel, probably for the first time 'wounded me in love'. He reflected to me the consequences of my sin, and he called it for what it was. It hurt so much, I felt exposed and full of guilt. I feel like I have been excusing my sin with my woundedness. But he called me on it and said it had to stop. It felt like a piercing knife through my heart. Exposed, with nothing to say, cause i know its true. He was very kind but firm. That is probably the most loving thing he has done for me. I weights so much on me that I hurt Joel. I know for a fact that I can't change on my own, that i need God. I need God's mercy to save me from myself.

Dogs are going to miss Nelita

Ok, the dogs are not the only ones to miss Nelita. I am really going to miss her. It has been a while since I got to spend lots of quality time with her. She isn't a teenager anymore, it is so much easier to talk to her. She actually responds and wants to know things. I still got hooked a couple times in trying to tell her what to do or how to do things. Her maturity made it a lot easier to trust her and to wait and watch. She is so lighthearted and sweet. She seems to take the little annoying things about life with patience and doesn't get bugged down easily. I'm sure there are negative things about her, but this traits really touched me as I recognize that at one time i was like more like that. I wonder what happened to me that sometimes i am so afraid and anxious. That i can let little things bother me and sometimes I can't let go. Is it just age? When did I decide that life was so serious? I know I am not like that as much anymore. Living with Joel reflects to me the way i really want to live. Nelita's visit also brought some painful memories and actually some convicting memories, as she asked questions about my past. It was good, she is probably at a point where she can handle some of my shameful and painful memories. I really enjoyed having her around. My mom is always saying that Nela is very much like me, both in looks and character. Living far away probably affords us a special kind of relationship. Ok, some funny corks about my sister: she is always thinking about food, her next meal, gets excited about special food, etc. Also I can tell that she is going to be a great cook when she has her own space.

camping

We got rained on 3 times on Sat, but we still had a lot of fun!. It was so moving to watch Nela and Joel bonding. Joel would have really loved having a little sister. I can see already what a great dad he is going to be. He is one of the most gentle and serving person I have ever met, besides my dad. When I fell sleep in the hammock in front of the campfire, and it was starting to rain, he lovingly picked me (the hammock sits close to the floor) and took me into the tent and laid me down on the floor mattress. ALthougth I am only 15 weeks prego, i am not as light as before....apparently i blurted out while half sleep: please don't, the fire, Im pregnant IAM WITH CHILD!. and fell back sleep. I think i was trying to disuade him from picking me up afraid of being dropped. They all thought it was funny. I don't remember much. We also had a wonderful time of worship on the mountain Sunday morning, wich was also Joel's Birthday. Having Nela and Joel around, really helped me relax and not be so controlling. It was very relaxing and fun. We saw a baby hornytoad, butterflies, small frogs, sunflower stealing squirrels, the smalles fish ever, a big dead fish and more, I love camping!

Nela's visit Swimming with dogs

The weather has been perfect to swim. Nela was here for 10 days visiting. The first four days she was a listener on a Potter's Wheel II. The last 3 days we went camping. THe other days were spend just hanging out, cooking, shopping, movies, eating. Here are some pics from swimming. We taught our dogs how to get out of the pool.

Framing is almost complete

We've been lucky to find two brothers and their dad who know what they are doing. They have been a big help. Also, Marianela got to help for a bit during her visit

Finally 13 weeks pregnant

Finally 13 weeks pregnant, but I am still feeling sick to my stomach. Eating during the day has become easier, but the nausea hasn't ease up at night. Today I thought was the first day of no nausea. I started with a glass of milk with a chai tea mix. Then some blueberries with yogurt, followed by 4 sticks of Twizzlers. I had an early lunch of spaghetti with meatballs leftovers followed by fresh cherries. Then I munched on a handfull of pistachio nuts accompanied by a another handful of peanuts. Then a handful of peanut M&Ms. Someone brought some sourdough pretzels and I had a few of those. At last for my afternoon snack I had a green apple with some cottage cheesse. All that before dinner. This was definately better than before, as before I couldn't stand the sight or smell of chocolate. Probably the reason I wasn't sick and was able to eat was cause I always had something in my stomach, because by dinner time I was feeling so sick that it was hard to eat again. Its definately getting better but it looks liek I still have a few more days or weeks to go. One thing Iam learning is that when I am feeling sick is not the best time to try to talk about important sensitive stuff. Oh well, i guess I am a slow learner.

On the good side of pregnancy I am not feeling as tired anymore, at least not everyday, more like everyother day :-)

On another note, my little sister is coming to visit this weekend, and will be here till the 17th. I am really excited to see her. I don't get to just hang out with her alone too often, as when I go visit to VA my other sisters are also around. I don't want to miss who she is becoming as she grows into a beautiful young lady. I am excited to find out more about her.

Looking forward to no sickness, liking food again, and more energy.